I am hoping that things will get better. We all have stories that have become somewhat of a fine print as we move on. “Let’s see, if I buy a new car, how much more will I have for the rest of the bills? If I receive Cancer treatment, how much time will I be away from work? If I purchase the new medication prescribed to me, how much will I have for groceries? Why is my job so difficult? I work and work without positive feedback from my boss.” Many of us have different ways of coping, and many of us try not to cope at all. Ilike to look at my daughter’s face as much as I can because her beauty and innocence makes me feel at ease.
Children have a sense of wonder, and that wonder is what keeps them ticking. Why does this sense of wonder not work on adults? If I wonder, I quickly distort reality. Reality then seems to be a figment of the universe’s imagination. I should be the one to blame if reality distorted , but when the universe becomes shady and contorted; “things fall apart.” When I look at my child, I feel her sense of wonder, but I also fear that her wonder will tear her apart when she becomes older. What will happen when she discovers the apathy of the world as I have? That will brake my life.
Sure, I understand that as parents, we need to set an example. We need to guide our children and teach them how to thrive. However, what happens when we can’t find the pieces to the puzzle? What then? What do I tell my child on why things are the way they are and there is nothing we can do sometimes? “But why?” My daughter would ask. And I would never have an answer; that’s what I fear.
My debt is high, my health is deteriorating, my workplace is stressful, and I can’t sleep. And here I am alone again with my thought about “children and wonder.” But as I look into the future, I pray to God that he gives me the strength to tell my little princess that there is still hope in people, and that in fact; the universe is not as bad as I thought it was. “Things will stay in place,” I hope. I wonder if things will fall apart if I fail to get things right.
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